NFL enthusiasts, prepare yourselves for a shocking development, as Elon Musk has received a staggering ban that has the league abuzz like a lively Detroit tailgate. In an unexpected turn of events, the Detroit Lions have declared that the billionaire entrepreneur is prohibited from attending any future games. The rationale behind this decision is so outrageous that it could either be a remarkable achievement or a viral hoax poised to ignite chaos in the Motor City. Are you ready for the excitement? Let’s explore this Lions-sized controversy.

A “surprised insider,” who claims to have overheard discussions among the Lions’ management at a downtown Coney Island eatery, revealed that GM Brad Holmes imposed the ban after Musk reportedly attempted to attend a recent game in a Cybertruck adorned with Lions colors and a loud exhaust. “Brad exclaimed, ‘Elon’s antics are too wild for our team—he turned Ford Field into a sci-fi spectacle!’” the source recounted, narrowly avoiding a splash of mustard. “Then he attempted to purchase the Lions using Tesla stock and suggested renaming them the ‘Cyber Lions’—that’s when Holmes shouted, ‘Get out of here, gearhead!’”

The rumor mill went into overdrive following a viral post on X from a “Lions supporter”: “Elon Musk banned from games—Lions label him a sideline lunatic! I’m in shock!” Leaked footage—authentic or fabricated?—purports to show Musk allegedly driving onto the field in his Cybertruck, blasting “Sweet Child O’ Mine” and tossing mini Tesla robots to the audience, although skeptics argue it’s merely a promotional stunt for his upcoming X Spaces presentation. Regardless, the internet is buzzing more than a drag race on Woodward Avenue.

Insiders insist that this ban is a result of Musk’s “excessive enthusiasm,” driven by his desire to transform Lions games into extravagant tech showcases. “He’s been tweeting play calls in binary, deploying Starlink drones to ‘enhance’ the scoreboard, and attempting to replace the goalposts with laser beams,” our source disclosed.